from the academic archives…how can being swallowed whole by a purple worm get worse? intestinal goblins.

The chief objective of the intestinal goblin is to increase the size of the worm to allow them to expand their family and the comfort of their surroundings. In order to do this, they have developed the skill of “ganglial manipulation”. It’s not clear whether this is technological, strictly manual, or magical, but intestinal goblins have at least one specialized member that can control what the purple worm senses. — Liam Albarus, “Intestinal Parasites of the Purple Worm”, undated submission to Diseases and Disorders In Fantasy Monsters

The Setup

You and your friends got swallowed whole by a Purple Worm. It happens. However, before you get started hacking your way out you notice signs of…life? Well of course. But maybe signs of…civilization? How could that be?! The gullet is littered with bones and candy wrappers and is covered in callouses as though many feet had trod this path before you.

It’s not as acidic as you’d been led to believe. And there’s a faint light from further down the throat.

Darest thou explore further? Of course thou darestses.


The Dungeon

Whenever you are moving between rooms, roll 1d6 on the Intestinal Event table immediately and then move to the next room. Whenever you enter a room, apply the contents immediately!

Intestinal Events

1. Peristalsis! Immediately move into the next room and land out of control. Everyone is surprised! Things might get dropped. Peristalsis is always towards the Rectum. In the case of the Appendix there is only one direction to go.

2. Wild Dire Lymphocytes! A whole pack of them. I bet you wish you knew why they never attack the Intestinal Goblins.

3. Wild Dire E.Coli! A swarm of the disease-laden giant microbes.

4. Intestinal Goblin patrol. 1d4 Intestinal Goblin Soldiers about their business.

5. An amusing thing swallowed by the purple worm.

6. Acid reflux! Immediately move to the previous room and take acid damage. If you’re in the mouth already you don’t get to escape: you swirl around in the mouth and take double damage. Purple worms hate throwing up. Acid reflux is always towards the mouth. In the case of the Appendix there is only one direction to go.

1. The Stomach

This is where the Intestinal Goblin family lives. Here you find the Goblin Matriarch, 3 of her husbands (Goblin Soldiers), and 12 of her Goblin Children and their 2 pet Dire Mitochondria. All of the goblins are painted head to toe with a blue paste which is obviously some tribal thing. There are pots of the blue paste near the exit from the stomach.

The Intestinal Goblin family has a hoard of things that purple worms swallow. They have thrown away all the cash but other shiny objects have been retained.

The blue paste is an extract of Dire E.Coli. Covering oneself in it makes you invisible to Dire Lymphocytes.

2. The Appendix

In the Appendix hang dozens of nerve ganglia that attach ultimately to the gut-brain of the purple worm. From here the Goblin Navigator can make the worm do what it needs: move, fight, eat, poop. Anything.

You encounter the Goblin Navigator and his 3 pet Trained Dire Lymphocytes here, and he can use his attack action to cause one item from the Intestinal Events table to occur. His choice. If he chooses Peristalsis, he is not affected since he holds on tight. If he chooses Acid Reflux he does not move but does take acid damage. His pets have to deal with all the effects.

3. The Rectum

Here we find the rear-guard of the goblin tribe. In fact, from their perspective this is the front since this is the route that enemy tribes of Intestinal Goblins will take to enter the worm and steal it or plunder it. No one would enter from the mouth. That would be stupid.

There are 4 Goblin Soldiers here and each has a pet Trained Dire E.Coli. They are facing towards the anus and easily surprised if approached from the large intestine.


There are many strange things inside a purple worm, but the most deadly are the Intestinal Goblins and their pets.

Goblin matriarch

A powerful witch who leads this goblin tribe. She is fierce and ruthless and will do anything to keep her children safe.

Goblin soldiers

A tough but stupid veteran of The Wars, soldiers fight with found weapons and armour.

Goblin children

Weak, innocent, and friendly but willing to risk it all to save mom if it comes to that. Or their pets.

Goblin navigator

A canny shaman.

Wild Dire Lymphocytes

Dire lymphocytes protect the purple worm from invaders and the wild ones do so aggressively. Anything that doesn’t belong in the worm will get attacked and they will fight to the death. You can treat them like some kind of ooze or jelly. They dissolve you and move surprisingly fast.

They can’t see E.Coli or anything covered in essence of E.Coli.

Wild Dire E.Coli

Smaller than the Dire Lymphocyte, Dire E.Coli are not terribly aggressive in the wild. They will fight back if attacked.

Trained Dire Lymphoctyes

These are just like wild ones except they obey goblin commands.

Trained Dire E.Coli

These are just like wild ones except they obey goblin commands.

Trained Dire Mitochondria

Not much bigger than your forearm, these are just cute. Like greasy little wiggly sausages!

(this material was previously published in zines and other places)

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